Save the “culture” you say? Not in my name. What it’s like to be a surrogate: ‘We met on an app like Tinder for fertility’

Surrogacy is slowly growing in the UK according to the BBC, the whole “my body my choice” routine doesn’t just apply to abortion say the screeching modern day feminist types.

Find it incredible that they wouldn’t want to have a child of their own but to go through the whole pregnancy only then to hand it to a gay couple.

Disturbing the ‘order’ delivers fatal consequences for society, this is just one of the many things that will do precisely that. It is summed up by ‘Emma’, the woman whose is the surrogate mother in this case, who said – “I think those people obviously haven’t experienced infertility themselves.” when commenting in response to those who want surrogacy laws to be tightened. Surely that can’t be her response for doing it for this couple, I didn’t realise two men could have a baby together LOL

“Counter Culture” types are silent because this isn’t something they can grift on, rest of the BBC article below…

Emma knew she wanted to have a baby for someone else, before she’d even had one of her own.

“I thought it would be really lovely to help another couple,” the 24-year-old says. “I wanted to be a surrogate before I had my own son, Jacob, who’s now three and a half.”

Surrogacy – where a woman carries a baby for another couple, using either her own egg or a donor egg – appears to be growing in the UK. The number of parental orders (an application to be named as the legal parents) made by parents of a baby born by surrogate has grown from 121 in 2011 to 368 in 2018. Not all parents and surrogates make this legal arrangement, so the number may be higher.

A new BBC Three documentary, The Surrogates, follows a number of would-be parents trying to find the right surrogate mother for their child, and surrogates themselves as they build a relationship with the intended parents.

‘It’s like Tinder for fertility’

At 24, Emma is the youngest surrogate to take part. She gave birth to baby Mia, now one, in March 2020 for Kevin and Aki, a couple she met through an app that matches surrogates to wannabe parents.

“It’s kind of like Tinder for fertility, you can swipe left and right on people’s profiles,” she laughs. “People are on there looking for sperm donors, egg donors and surrogates. I matched with quite a few people, but Aki messaged me first and we just hit it off straight away. Then about three weeks later, they came to see me where I live, we went for a meal and chatted for hours. We’re such good friends now, I see them like extended family.”

Kevin and Aki, and Emma, are members of Surrogacy UK, an organisation for parents and surrogates, that encourages ‘friendship first’ in parenting and surrogacy arrangements. Emma says this is true of her situation.

“We message each other every day, and when we can, when it’s not lockdown, we try and see each other every four-ish weeks,” she says.

Mia and Emma’s son Jacob will be brought up “like cousins”, and told the truth about Mia’s conception.

‘We will explain how she came into the world’

“Kevin and Aki are really open and honest – that was a stipulation of me being their surrogate,” Emma explains.

“I didn’t want this child to be brought up in the dark and not knowing where she came from. When she’s old enough, we will explain how she came into the world.

“Likewise, I explained to Jacob that actually I’ve [been a surrogate] and Kevin and Aki aren’t just a couple of fun guys we know.

“Whenever they came round, I think he just thought they were a couple of people for him to play with! But when he’s older I’ll explain everything properly.

“We used my eggs for surrogacy, so technically she is biologically mine, but I’ve stepped back, I’m not her mum. They call me auntie Emma.”

Emma’s friends, she says, were supportive of her decision to be a surrogate, but she faced some opposition from family.

“My friends thought it was amazing, my family thought I’d lost the plot,” she laughs.

“My mum didn’t like it at all, I think it was the risk part of it. She thought it was a waste of time as well, she didn’t get why you’d want to do the whole thing of being pregnant and going through the pain, for someone else.

“When I first told her, I think she thought it was just a phase I was going through. But they’ve all come round to it excellently and my mum adores Mia now. We got there eventually.”

‘It’s my choice to do this with my body’

Questions and doubts about surrogacy go further than Emma’s mum. In the UK, it’s only permitted to pay a surrogate expenses for her needs throughout the pregnancy, rather than a fee for carrying the baby. The surrogate is the baby’s legal parent unless an order is made transferring parenthood.

But proposed law changes would make the intended parents the legal parents from the birth – with the birth mother having a short period to object – and some campaign groups have expressed concern for the wellbeing of surrogates if laws were relaxed. Others go as far as wanting surrogacy outlawed, calling it a “womb for rent”.

Emma is unequivocal in her response to such criticism.

“I think those people obviously haven’t experienced infertility themselves, or they don’t know anyone who has,” she says. “I think they should get to know a surrogate, I’m not just saying this because I’m a surrogate but it’s a beautiful thing – helping people who can’t conceive naturally. People might say, ‘why didn’t they adopt?’ And I think, ‘did you adopt your children?’

“I don’t know if doing surrogacy is a feminist thing, but it feels horrible when other people, especially women, tell us what we can and can’t do with our bodies, it’s our choice.”

It’s a choice Emma wants to make again.

“I’m actually getting to know another couple through Surrogacy UK now,” she says.

“We get along fantastically, but because of lockdown, I’ve only met them twice in person. Hopefully we’ll have an agreement to do IVF soon, but it’s Covid dependent – it wasn’t much fun being pregnant in the last lockdown. Then after I’ve had their baby, I’m going to do the sibling journey for Kevin and Aki, and give Mia a little brother or sister.”